Day 17 was CHICKEN!

Yeah, I'm a little behind again.

But no matter, day 17 was the night when Maz came round and we had chicken. Not just any old chicken, but awesomeness chicken. 

Twas an evening for chatting and laughter and much much food.  One of those just catch up and talk nights.  We used to watch crap horror films whilst chatting, but we seem to not get round to that any more.  This isn't a bad thing!

I don't have a picture!!!  Ooh maybe a chicken one...

Day 16... Keep on running....

Today.... I ran!  By run I mean a run/stumble/walk combo that takes me some distance.

I'm halfway through the Zombies Run 5km training app, which plays your music,  tells you a zombie survival story, and increases stamina gradually.   We'll overlook the fact that I am halfway through an eight week programme that I started over a year ago, and focus on me getting a stupid grin when Sam mocked my knee lifts.   Yes, that is someone in the story.   Yes, I possibly need psychiatric help.

I didn't do as much as the last session,  but it is the first one in a month, I don't feel like I used a week's worth of spoons, and I still finished the whole mission and did over 5km.

Oh, the pic shows reality vs being in app mode!

Ooh ooh and sponsor us!!!  Doing Race For Life in three weeks with Stray (even if I have to use an entire weekend's spoons), Furball will wear a pink tutu... donate!   Cancer really needs to fck off.

Day 15 - Sewing Mojo Back!

The blinds are an ongoing saga, I have many to make, and combined with my lack of spoons lately, it has been a struggle to even consider them let alone actually make them.  That in turn leads to many lots guilt over still not having finished them, and a house having big open windows because of me.

Yesterday, I woke up and I actually felt "normal".  Soooo, we made the table biggererer so that I had space, and I actually attacked the blinds.

By the time I reached the IhavetostopbeforeIstartgoingwrong stage last night, I only had about 2 hours left to do before it would be completed.

Today, I got to finish it, but the actually having the energy to do it was yesterday's happy.

I did discover that I screwed up though and it goes wonky halfway down. *wail* 

Day 14 - First fortnight is over!

I'm a few days behind, I know, but, I have an excuse!!!  Actually I don't have any excuse, I have just been doing stuff or sleeping pretty much.

Monday's happy can be games night.  Most Mondays, a collection of geeks (what's the collective term for geeks?  Someone let me know!) gather at my house to play various different games, the games change dependent on the amount of us who can actually make it.  

This Monday was only a couple of us, so we played Zombie Dice, Elder Signs, and the island sinking one that I've forgotten the name of.

Just general happy, relaxed times with friends.

Day 13 is a day of snuggles

Today was B's birthday tea party at Gran's house.

I picked up my babies, plus the bonus child (Ayla - B's best friend from school), and headed to Gran's.  The big ones disappeared first to find another friend, then to play monopoly, so I snuggled up on the sofa with Strawb to watch Stardust.  It was the first time she'd seen it and we got halfway through when she announced "It's a lovely film!"

There's always so much to do, that I very rarely just stop and curl up under a blanket with any of them like that.  I got to just stop, and cuddle my baby girl.

When we got close to tea time, Dude lost the game of monopoly (he still struggles a lot with losing games, really must play more with him again), and he came and curled up in the lounge too.  From then on he was against leaving my side, snuggled in with me after food to watch some of Hocus Pocus, didn't even tell me off for joining in with the singing and other random lines!

I accept by Friday that I will be totally ready for school to go back, but today I am enjoying my babies and looking forward to the week off with them.

Due to the length of time since we last curled up together... v old pic!

Day 12 in which Smudge and I see a boy/man's arse crack

Ok, so it's possible that not everyone sees that as a positive?

Actually arse crack guy no-one would see as a positive.  Seriously, he had a belt on his jeans specifically to keep them halfway down it?!?!?!  How is that good???  Yes I sound old but I don't care.

TL:DR version of who Smudge is - worked with him before/during pregnancy with B, lost him for about a decade, got him back last year and now he appears with vodka every so often.

We decided that as Furball was going away, he would come keep me company and we would go play pool as it was something we used to do, and hadn't done in forever.  Furball ended up not going away, but we figured the pool outing would happen anyway, and we'd get the bonus fun of drinking with him either side of playing.  Win/Win!  (Is that how that should be written?  Win, win... win - win....?)

So, I forced myself, forced I tell you, to stay in bed for most of Saturday in the attempt of having enough energy to go out.  Go out we did!

We went, we had drinks, laughs, played pool together, played with the random 17yr old who wanted us to play doubles with him and some other bloke (and probably didn't expect to lose 2:1), and generally relaxed.  There was no deep and meaningful bonding.  Just a laugh and a break.  Then we got back, I broke a little, they carried on drinking and laughing lots.  It was really good to hear how happy they both sounded even if I didn't have the energy to join in.

So yeah, Day 12 happy would be the Smudge visit.

Photo can be an old one of the two of them together.

Day 11 - Spoons, Golden Tickets, and Smiles for all!

Today is a Good Day. To the extent that I can't come up with one happy thing.

I am laying on clean, fresh, bedding after having an amazing hot shower that I have been looking forward to for days.  I have had a non-stop day but still feel like I have spoons to spare.   I don't remember the last time I had that feeling.

I'm listening to a man playing happily with his friends,  even if it's not where he wanted to be.

My biggest baby turned 11, got accepted to Hogwarts (although B being B focused on the head teacher and Minister of Magic being wrong as it is based on book one....), and is absolutely delighted with her laptop.   Scraping together the funds was totally worth it.

Gran spent her energy setting up a present opening session and has agreed to host birthday tea on Sunday. 

I have amazing friends - Shoo and Janet both helped with Strawb during hospital appointment and then extra time after which meant I could work a couple of hours too.

The Dude finally got a Golden Ticket.   School have behaviour levels.   Level One is low level git.  Level Two is moving into proper git territory.  Level Three is proper little shite.  Dude generally hovers around the level one mark.  He's not a necessarily "naughty" child in the traditional sense,  but he's definitely a handful at times, he tends not to start fights but is happy to finish them,  he won't mess about as much in class but will just refuse to work etc...  To get the Golden Ticket which provides a treat (I think this is the third half term they've been running now), you can't have hit level two,  or been consistently level one.   It is a way to actually reward those who are no trouble so end up being overlooked (like B), and an incentive to the others.   FINALLY Dude managed to be a low level git little enough during the half term to get a ticket!   He is absolutely delighted especially as we all assumed he'd not get one.   Praise be to short half terms so less time there to behave in!

That, plus he handled B getting the laptop really well,  has made me incredibly proud and happy today.

Finally.... New co-op opened by Furball.  It's shiny and big and new and made me smile so deserves a place on the list.   However pathetic that may be.  So there.

Day 10, last of the 10s....

No real need to "decide" the happy today.

I have just spent the last hour with B sat on my bed chatting whilst I tied rags into her hair so it is curly in the morning.  I always find it odd seeing her with curls, but they make a nice matching set then *wink*

Anyway, it has made me smile lots.  It hasn't been an easy 11 years, she's had a lot to live through, and we've had to learn a lot to help her live in the easiest way possible, but even if I do say so myself, I seem to have managed to drag her up pretty good.  She was the guinea pig, with her we had to learn together how to be a mum/daughter as well as her mum, with the others I already had the first steps so it was learning to tweak it to be the mum that they individually need too.

That won't stop me screaming in frustration tomorrow morning when she has lost her shoe, or the cereal is in the wrong bowl, but that's just part of the mix.

My baby's last photo as a 10 year old.

Day 9, sponsored by codeine

Head is still very hurty, so today has been a bit fuzzy.   But Friday is B's birthday and I had a gazillion things to do for it to happen,  so I had to man up, take many painkillers,  and float my way through the jobs.

But it was all finally done.

Anyway,  happy!  Today my happy was Kirsty.  I saw her for the first time in forever (I finally understand, for the first time in forever, we can fix this hand in hand,  we can head down this mountain togeth.... uh... sorry).  Kirsty rocks,  but we have phases where we sort of drift apart and spend ages apart, then finally get back together again.

Anyway,  I got to see Kirsty so woohoo!

The photo is an old one, but twas a great night!

A new week began with Day 8 (as numbers moving in 7s generally do)

Day 8 I had initially expected to go one of two ways, either the song Scar Tissue (yeah yeah, cryptic but I didn't care had it been relevant), or a gushing one about how amazing my friends and family are as they rallied round to help with children when I needed them.

But... Tuesday evening I got hit with a hideous migraine and could barely stay upright by 7pm.   B was my happy.  She is going to be 11 on Friday and is the terrifying beautiful mix of preteen hormones where she's a monster one moment and a loving wise girl the next.  She's growing into her mind and quirks and becoming much more settled into her personality.  

Anyway,  migraine hit and, full arm cast n all, she took over.  She got Strawb into pjs, read her a story,  put her to bed, waited in the lounge so she would hear the door knock when Emrys got home and wake me, put the two of them to bed, then realised the cats and me hadn't eaten so fed both them and me.

I feel bad that she had to take over but at the same time so, so happy and proud that she could and would wilingly do it.

On Day 7, I got post!

Today has been hard, not gonna lie.  The weekend has taken its toll, and I am looking at my calendar with a completely full week, looking round at the washing up, lounge, washing, blinds, and doing the maths.  I am fairly sure I don't have enough spoons.  

I have accepted all help offered though, and I am feeling incredibly guilty about having to turn down helping others, but it is time rather than willing that is the issue.

Anyway, I managed to get a short nap in before going to see the Dude in his school assembly.  The actual assembly was, erm, in need of TLC? but Dude himself impressed me - he spoke loudly, clearly, and confidently... something I have never managed to do!

On the way home I had a parcel to pick up.  I had a rough idea what it was, but it still made me well up (happy tears) when I opened it to find the chocolate brownies that a friend had made and posted to me to make me smile.  

I would share a picture of the actual brownies but they are a little pile of crumbs now so not overly great as a photo!

Day 6 - I'm nearly a week in?!??!?!

Ok, so they are only short entries most of the time, but they matter.  This is doing what I hoped it would, and making me reflect back on the day in a positive way.

I am about to go and curl up in bed because I walked for a while today and my legs feel like they will fall off.  My house is a state, dishes need doing, clothes overflowing everywhere... before that was making me feel like an absolute failure.  Now, I'm not happy with it by any means, but I don't see it as my life falling apart.  It's a glitch.

Today has been another day with many highlights, Auntie Suzie is home for B's birthday visit, so we have had a fun day playing with the children and just general family time.

The Happy Moment officially though is Dude and rugby.

Season is over, and today was awards day when they all get little trophies and certificates.  What they also get though is a few sentences said about them.  I was half expecting the generic "Todd improved this year" type thing, but it wasn't.  They were a few sentences said by people who genuinely cared enough to pay attention to each individual child.

My boy's "bit" started off by saying that this trophy was going to The Lumberjack, and then his name was called.  He is apparently known for always trying to take down the biggest tree on the opposing team, and they have high hopes for him when he is actually allowed to tackle next season.  

The Lumberjack

Rugby has been a hard slog at times.  He's struggled to bond with the team members who have been there since birth (well, pretty much), he's had weeks where he has shut down and refused to play, but through the wind and rain, he's powered through and achieved so much.  Seeing his face as he heard how he was being described made me realise that it has given him all I hoped it was, and that it will only improve next season.

Day 5

Let me start by saying that Day Five was a triumph from the outset due to not having a hangover!  I have absolutely no clue how that happened as I drank most of Bournemouth at the bbq on the Friday.

Anyway, again, it was a really good day.  It was one of those days where I just kinda got to "be" with Furball.  There is always so much going on, that times when it is just us, with no responsibilities and no jobs that must be done, are very very precious to me.  Yes, we're both a bit broken at the moment, but it doesn't stop time together making me happy.

Oh, and we got to see Spiderman 2!

Maybe that was the happy thing... Furball.... Spidey.... I'm so confused!

Ok, ok, it would have been a happy day even without Spidey...

Yeah yeah I'm three days behind... Day 4!

So the boy child is being a git (he's tired and rargh), and I thought that happy things would help right now!  Hearing "You're always too tired for me" really didn't help my mood...

So, Friday was Day 4.

Friday in general was an awesome day actually, I dragged Stray to playgroup, went to Fabricland, got B a shiny new cast, and then had a really fun night drinking and playing games (and with fire) with friends.

I think the highlight for me though was probably creating Barry.

Furball and I are going away in a few weeks for a gaming weekend.  There will be board games and card games and RPGs.  One of the RPGs we are playing though is called Monsters and Other Childish Things and I am really looking forward to it.  My character is a girl a similar age to B, and her monster is Barry Cottontail, a two headed, split personality bunny.  The rule is that you have to have a crayon drawing of your monster.  It serves absolutely no purpose in the game, but must still happen.

So, I did all the things that I needed to do at playgroup on Friday (obviously nothing to do with my child, that would be madness!), and then I set about to create Barry.

The head with green eyes is the less sociable one, he is more likely to chew you with his pointy teeth and attack you with his claws, the blue eyed head on the other hand will fill you with calm and a sense of snuggles.  Sometimes they scrap, hence Blue's slightly gnawed ears.

Sometimes happiness is letting out your inner child.

Day Three... Urgh it's a hard one

Ok, so today hasn't been a negative day by any means, but I am exhausted.  I phoned for my blood results and am now even more baffled as to wtf is wrong with me.  That, plus work, and much running about hasn't exactly brought joy and laughter.

BUT... it doesn't have to be side splitting humour happy, just happy happy.

B has been muttering about having hair like Elsa's coronation for a while now.  

I've looked at lots of pictures, forced myself to watch Let It Go on a loop (it was torture I tell you, but I sat through it, I knew to conceal, not feel, and not let them know), and eventually came up with a rough concept for making it a reality.

Today was the first attempt, and I'm quite chuffed really!  *grin*

Oh the other happy thing is that the Dude is spending the night with Furball.  He was all excited and it was nice to see him bouncy for a change.

Day Two! This is why we can't have nice things...

Go me, this is like two whole days before I forgot!

No formatting or pictures etc as I'm on a phone app.

Today has been an awesome day actually,  lots of positive happy moments.   I think the highlight was probably shooting arrows with Astra.

She's been bullied into LARP.  I can't mock too much as I caved on that subject last year but still... Anyway,  she's going armed with a bow therefore weapons practice was necessary!

All was going well, I was hitting (I have no clue how... uh I mean obviously) and she was missing the target.  Then we decided enough with these poncey larp arrows,  let's use real ones!

Turns out I am used to shooting poncey larp arrows.  Real ones fly further...  I heard it go into the tree but not land.  I hunted.  Stray hunted.  I hunted some more.  Just as I'd decided that all was lost and I was buying more arrows, I remembered that I have wasted far too much of my life lately playing Hidden Shadows on Facebook.   I'm trained in finding random crap in trees dammit!  And lo, the arrow was found.  Some branches shaken later and it was back where it belonged!

P.S.  Oh... I also broke her bow string

P.P.S  I don't think I'm going to be allowed to play again.

30 Happy Days

I'm struggling lately, I'm exhausted most of the time and it is frustrating me to tears, plus the rest of life isn't exactly going according to plan.

I've been seeing the 100 Happy Days photos on Facebook and they have been making me smile, but I am very aware that a) I am likely to be distracted way before 100 and then will get annoyed with myself for "failing" and b) Not all my happy things are photo moments, some are just moments.

So, I figured I will do 30 days.  A month (give or take) of just one positive moment a day being written down.  It doesn't have to be huge, just a reminder that every day gives a smile.

If it gets late in the day and I haven't posted, please, for the love of Joss, nudge me to do it.  If I don't he may kill off one of your beloved characters, or worse, keep Robin alive.  None of us wants to experience Agent Phil again.

Anyway, today I shall start early.  Today I woke hearing "They gave me fcking Rocket Raccoon!!!!"

I accept that to most people that isn't something that would stand out as a happy moment, but it made me laugh.  Furball has been a leetle bit focused on Avengers Alliance on Facebook, and there has been some PvP thing he has been doing.  I could go into very extensive detail, but the TL:DR version is that finishing in level B meant one thing (which he wanted), finishing in Level A meant getting Rocket Raccoon (not wanted).  Some glitch last night meant that they decided that to not piss everyone off, they bumped up all the final levels... that nudged him into A.

I had been listening to a lot of muttering about RR last night, so that cry of dismay this morning was far too amusing.

Relationships are meant to be built on enjoying the other person's suffering, right?